Tag Archives: alabama rednecks

Time flies!

30 Sunday Aug 2009

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Wow.  I can’t believe its Sunday already.  I’ve got all the windows thrown open and I’m enjoying the hint of fall in the air.  Please lord, let this weather keep consistent this week.  It will be a welcome change to have a Labor Day weekend where we are all not dripping in sweat :::knocks on wood:::.  I had a lovely relaxing weekend.  Yesterday I went over to Smyrna Market Village for a friend’s going away weekend festivities (yes, like me he always turns anything into a multi-day event, I completely respect this!) and got to see a bit of the College Football Fan Fest.  We sat and watched the Saints vs. Raiders pre season NFL game for a bit and then I left him in capable hands.  He’s moving to Denver next week so good luck and keep in touch dude!  After that I ran a bunch of errands and then stopped by Muss & Turner’s to have dinner.  I knew I had points on my card so dinner was free (YEY!) and my favorite bartender was there – we’ll call her the Beer Pixie :::dubbed:::  Beer Pixie and friends entertained me the entire time we were having dinner and then she found out we were headed to Dragon*Con this week and I was a "D*C Virgin".  She’s going to be in a bunch of the costume contests, including the Dawn look-alike contest and one where she’ll dress like Betty Paige.  After regaling me with details of what to go to and what to avoid (gaming rooms!) we agreed to keep each other informed of events and parties during the event.  Yey!  Another friendly face to keep an eye out for.  I seriously cannot believe Dragon*Con is THIS WEEK!  Baltimore Babe, Dallas Darling :::dubbed::: and Earth Girl :::dubbed::: are all arriving on Thursday.  I spent today cleaning and making lists of groceries that I need to pick up.  Thankfully we’ll be spending the majority of our time down at D*C so I’m really just focused on snacky stuff and breakfast items we can grab and run out the door with.  The one request was good coffee, which I’ll happily supply.  

Not only is this week Dragon*Con but college football is also getting started back up!  Hells yes!  Do y’all know what else is happening this weekend at the SAME TIME in almost the SAME LOCATION as Dragon*Con?  The Alabama vs. Virginia Tech game down at the Georgia Dome on Saturday afternoon.  ESPN College Game Day will be there at Centennial Olympic Park.  The convergence of Alabama Rednecks, football fanatics, and people dressed up for Dragon*Con in the same place is possibly one of the best people watching opportunities I’ve ever heard of.  Stay tuned for live Tweets and Twit Pics of the event on my twitter page.  I’m sure I’ll be in hog heaven.  :)

Ok, gotta run.  Still more cleaning to do and I have to get some work done before "True Blood" comes on tonight.  Its the 2nd to last episode of the season and of course they are taking a two week break between this show and the finale so the fans will be frothing at the mouth for the final episode and you KNOW its gonna be a cliff hanger.  I just can’t wait to see Evan Rachel Wood as Queen Sophie Ann and her lover, Hadley Hale (who is Sookie’s cousin, y’all!).  Drama!!  I wonder if they’ll show Andre?  Sophie Ann wasn’t half as scary without Andre around.  The two of them were referred to as "the worlds deadliest teenagers" in the books.  I look forward to seeing how they will be represented on screen! 

p.s.  Chexican and Captain Triathlon were in the Pacific Northwest rain forest and got to go to Forks, y’all!  I am still waiting for the full report.  Were Sparklepire’s spotted?  Was there any :::fursplosion:::?  Inquiring minds want to know if any hot Quileute wolf mens were around.  

p.s.s.  Apparently Shug has now got a burst blood vessel in one of his eyes?  If there was ANY doubt that this is not MY dog, this seals the deal.  I was an accident looking for a place to happen at his equivalent in dog years : human years.  So essentially, his accident prone nature runs in the family.  Thankfully he’s got to get his monthly heartworm pill due tomorrow so we have to go to the Vet anyway and get him weighed.  We’ll have them check out his peepers while we’re there.  

p.s.s.s.  Watching "Sex and the City:  The Movie" and just constantly being reminded how charming and funny this movie is.  Every scene with Charlotte in it is just perfect.  When she yells at Big (every time), when she gets diarrhea, "Coloring", such a great movie!

Schadenfreude: The Auburn Trustee Edition

24 Monday Aug 2009

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Ok….so the Colonial Bank collapse was the 6th largest in US history.

You gotta give it to good old Bobby Lowder, when he goes out…he goes out with a BANG. 

Come!  Share in the schadenfreude:

  •  The Wall Street Journal breaks it down for us.  This is gonna cost the FDIC a pretty penny.  The comments are interesting too.  Regions bank is also on the radar?  Heh.
  • CNN notes that there is also a criminal investigation going on.   And they didn’t even qualify for TARP funds.  Damn.  The fed said, "HAYL NAW."
  • Holy crap y’all.  Wikipedia is already updated.  And I quote:  "Robert E. "Bobby" Lowder (b. ca. 1944 in Alabama) is a former American banking executive, and founder and former longtime CEO of the failed Colonial Bank and Colonial BancGroup, Colonial Bank’s former parent company."  And my favorite part:  "In 2001, the Board of Trustees at Auburn summarily dismissed President William V. Muse, inspiring a widespread campus vote of no confidence in the Board. The widespread belief on campus was that Lowder exerted tight private control over the Board, and thus over the ostensibly public university, using his clout to place some of his close friends in positions of power."  WORD.  Have I mentioned that Wikipedia was founded by an Auburn alum?  No, really.
  • An oldie but a goodie…the now infamous ESPN article about Bobby Lowder being, perhaps, the most powerful individual booster in college athletics, "…being the most influential booster isn’t just about forking over big bucks, which Lowder has graciously done. Lots of rich guys pay to have the family name grace a stadium or arena. Some others also have a say in the hiring and firing of coaches. A few sit on boards of trustees. And, in rare cases, a booster or two has been known to run amock of NCAA rules.  But having a role in the school’s probation with its academic accreditation group, risking its academic credibility? Now that’s a feat hard to top. And further proof that the manipulative Auburn Tiger is the most hands-on alumnus in college sports."  Are y’all still wondering why I’m doing a dance right now??
  • He "retires" 3 months before the entire house of cards collapses.  Nice.  Note they say, practically in the same breath, that he’s still staying on as an Auburn trustee.  Basically admitting the man had was more notorious for his control over both entities and squashing hopes of Auburn alumni across the board.  FYI – that "capital infusion" never happened.  The deal fell through.  The sink hole got too big and they were suspended by the FHA on August 4th.  No, really.   
  • Oh goodie, finally something I can AGREE with Bama fans on!!  Is it snowing in hell?  Did pigs just fly?  :::Oh snap, y’all.  They quoted the Auburn Creed in their article.  I may have to cut a bitch.:::
  • He quotes the bible and then compares the price of 19 shares of Colonial Bank stock to the cost of a McDonald’s Happy Meal.  I think I may love this man just a little.   "John Dean once told President Nixon, “There’s a cancer growing on the presidency.”  Ditto for Auburn. Nixon’s cancer was Watergate. Auburn’s cancer is Lowder."  Is Paul Davis single?  Can I now propose marriage?  I promise, I’m single and not at all creepy.  I have excellent references.
  • Shit y’all…we even show up on NC State’s radar.  Sometimes I even remember they have a football team!  Apparently they know all about good old Bobby.
  • Wow.  An entire website dedicated to Bobby Lowder…or really a countdown to when he’s no longer a trustee.  Yet amazingly they don’t have anything about this whole Colonial Bank debacle posted yet.  :::sadness:::
  • A totally made up story but damn funny nonetheless. 

Ironically, while typing up this blog Gator Momma called and said what I was thinking…even as I post this I’m secretly afraid Lowder’s minions will figure out who I am and smite me from afar.  I’m telling y’all…the man is freaky scary.
Courtesy of CNN.com
War Damn Failure. 

I believe this is a practical world…

12 Wednesday Aug 2009

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Ok…so now I think its been long enough.  Don’t think this is me getting over Auburn treating Tommy Tuberville poorly.  I’m SO NOT OVER that.  But I think its time for me to drink the damn grape Kool-Aid and finally embrace the new coaching staff at Auburn.  Do not interpret "embrace" as me running up to Coach Chizik and manically hugging him like this crazy Bama beotch (its too good to link, y’all get the video):

…my reaction would probably be more like me bumping into him in Auburn (where no one seems to really know what he looks like yet – dude had to wear a NAME TAG at SEC Media days, y’all!) and wishing him luck and then when he turns his back, trying NOT to mutter, "Try not to suck…" under my breath or not?  Nah, I’d be lying if I said I’d actually be rude to him in person.  He’s a nice man, I’m sure.  Now if I ran into Jay Jacobs?  TOTALLY different story.  I’d never say that to Bobby Lowder because he’d send his evil demon minions from hell after me.  Little imps would be chasing me all over the place.  

This is me sort of starting to get over my dismay over the state of Auburn football right now. 

So I’ve officially moved through a stage of the mourning process and I’ve gone from rage to pouting.  I’ve put my big girl panties on.  I’m starting to deal with it.  Most Auburn fans will probably just be saying, "At least we’re not South Carolina.  They’ve had a good coach for YEARS and still can’t do shit."

P.S. – Meeting went ok.  It actually didn’t happen.  Got called off by the other person so I said my piece to the people in charge.  I’m done.  Its such a relief to get this resolved and its no longer my issue.  I stuck to my guns and didn’t back down.  I’m now enjoying that bottle glass of wine…

Schaudenfraude – The NCAA Violation Edition

11 Thursday Jun 2009

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Hi kids! Welcome back to Vocabulary Hour! I’m your hostess, SassySouth. What are we talking about in this lesson? Well today, we’re revisiting one of our favorite words: Schadenfreude. What does Schadenfreude mean? Well, the American Heritage Dictionary defines it as:

scha⋅den⋅freu⋅de

–noun satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.
Origin:
1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy

And why are we revisiting a word we already defined previously? Well kiddos, there is nothing like a big ass German word to describe my enjoyment over the penalties the NCAA just leveled against the University of Alabama over textbooks. Yes, that is not a typo. Textbooks. (For my non sports loving readers – get the background here and here then come back to experience the Schaudenfraude with us!) And its not just about a single sports program (yes Tide sidewalk fans – your "school" that you never attended actually plays other sports!) but almost the ENTIRE athletic program. 16 sports were cited for the textbook scandal. SIXTEEN. The only sport without a penalty was rowing. ROWING?! You have got to be kidding me. More than 200 Alabama athletes were involved in this scam while they were already under NCAA probation. And that my friends is what the major issue is. This isn’t about textbooks. Its about shit going down while they were supposed to be cleaning up their act after the cluster F#@! a few years ago (remember why Phil Fulmer won’t cross the state line?). And they got…3 years of probation and may have to "forfeit" some wins from 2005 – 2007. Not a single loss of scholarship (which would have been overkill – I know, I know – I might get struck by a bolt of lightning as an Auburn fan for saying that but really, this didn’t lead to anyone winning games or anything like that – no boosters paid off players THIS TIME). Now mind you, Nicky Satan wasn’t at Bama yet, this was all :::points::: Mike Shula’s fault. (and whoever else was supposed to be keeping an eye on this – hello, Mr. Athletic Director Mal Moore). Is anyone surprised that he didn’t know this was going on with his athletes? But what about the other coaches? I mean good LORD. That many athletes were taking advantage of this "lack of monitoring" – what, did they have it posted on message boards and in the locker rooms? "Here’s how you scam the system! Free textbooks for everyone! Roll Tide!" Lets face it, we all love watching Alabama having the NCAA shake their finger at them because its Ala-frickin-arrogant-as-hell-Bama. NO one does entitlement better than a Bama fan. Well, maybe a sidewalk Bama fan, but thats most of them anyway… But that is the reason why this is so flipping annoying. They do this ALL the time. Its their way. And we all hate the story line on every teen melodrama where the rich kid gets away with breaking all the rules because his Daddy is a Booster Senator. Just slap a houndstooth hat on that spoiled prick and you’ve got a Bama fan! Y’all wanna know about my favorite moment of irony from this whole thing? Reading that the former AD from the University of Miami is the head of the NCAA infractions committee. The same Universiity of Miami that had a SI cover that literally said, ‘Why the University of Miami Should Drop Football". Because they are such paragons of virtue? The lunatics are running the asylum.

A few of my favorite articles about this one today:

  • ESPN talks about it being about the whole football program but somehow manages to basically bring it back to just football… Brilliant journalism, y’all. Emmy awards will be spilling in for this coverage.
  • Ivan Maisel thinks Alabama has turned a corner… Uh yeah, if you consider that working the system and finding loopholes to cheat is a Bama tradition, sure. I love the video in this one. Hearing the word "integrity" coming out of Nicky’s mouth just makes me giggle a little.
  • Wiping out three years of Alabama Football. Hey, while you’re at it, can you also make them "wipe out" those self declared national championships? My favorite line from this article: "The good news for Tide fans? Alabama won’t have to vacate any Iron Bowl victories. The Crimson Tide weren’t good enough to beat rival Auburn during the seasons in question." Oh, SNAP. (Yeah yeah, I know, its the past – but if Bama fans still quote the Bear I can still reminisce about beating the Tide again, and again, and again, and again…)
  • Opponents who lost games vacated by Alabama won’t be allowed to change their records to reflect a victory. So Bama can’t declare victory, yet the loser can’t change their record either? Its like the Athletic programs had "performance issues" for a few years…
  • Haters to the left!! :::twiddles fingers in glee::: "The question has become when aren’t there major violations in Tuscaloosa? The latest penalties mean that ‘Bama has been eligible to be an NCAA repeat offender since 1995. Alabama has been committing major violations while serving time for major violations." :::applause:::
  • This guy makes me laugh. His entire take on the NCAA making them "give up" victories is spot on. Part of me wants to disagree with his assessment but part of me thinks he’s right. Damnit.
  • No one can figure out how to handle this whole forfeit situation. And if FSU gets penalized, apparently the 2007 FSU vs. Bama game never actually happened. It was just your imagination, folks! Please ignore the man behind the curtain!!!
  • The AJC’s take on the Bama situation – Its like a really tasty bagel, "Tough on the surface, soft underneath"
  • I loved the graphic on this one. Made me laugh a bit.

Auburn Stuff that I just felt like sharing (spreading the love, one Tiger stripe at a time):

I bid you all good night and leave you with this image to ponder:

Around the bowl and down the hole, Roll Tide, roll…

***no Bama fans were harmed while writing this article. The self entitlement issues do not apply to any of my friends who ACTUALLY went to school there. There aren’t that many of them. I don’t think they let them out of the state very often?

“Like, ohmigod!”

08 Wednesday Apr 2009

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This morning, my favorite morning radio show, The Bert Show on Q100, came on my clock radio.  It was 31 degrees outside and I’d REFUSED to turn the heat on out of stubbornness and spite – I do NOT turn on the heat in APRIL – so my room was freezing and I was nice and snuggly warm under my feather duvet in my fleece jammies (hot pink, from Gator Momma – Little Sassy would approve – my inner fashionista cringes whenever I wear them but I will admit they are warm and comfy).  I didn’t want to get out of bed…and then Bert played this song and it made me laugh so much, I couldn’t hit snooze again.  Now THAT is impressive:

So I decided to also link you to one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever read:

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
***there is a STACHE picture on page 1!  OMG!***
Seriously, being added to my blog links list, like, NOW…

Speaking of White People…did y’all hear about the Maersk Alabama cargo ship getting attacked by pirates in the Indian Ocean?  No, thats not a typo and yes, the fact that the Maersk Alabama was retaken by its own crew isn’t a coincidence.  As the martians in Alabama already learned, much to their chagrin…rednecks don’t play.  If you prepare to board a ship which is named ANYTHING and then "Alabama" prepare to be shot…

And we cannot talk about race without touching on the Sassy Family’s life lessons in NYC, courtesy of Porn loving Muppets…  Because really…  :::singing:::  "Everyone’s a little bit racist, I knowwww…."

So go embrace your inner cracker, honkies!!!  HOLLLERRRR.  I’m off to giggle more about stuff white people like.  Its oddly cathartic and SO INCREDIBLY TRUE.  NYC Bro…you have GOT to read this.  The molekin notebook on top of the Apple laptop?  Sound familiar??  Ugly sweater parties, Miss YankeeSouth??  ROFL

St. Patrick’s Day Karma

17 Tuesday Mar 2009

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You know what they say about assuming…it makes an ASS out of U and ME. Yep. So yesterday’s rant about crappy weather on St. Patrick’s Day and why would all you crazy people want to be out in this, blah blah blah.

Note to Self: Check the weather forecast before posting rant about holiday weather.

Its gorgeous outside, y’all. The birds are singing. The sun is shining. Its 65 degrees and sunny. Its a perfect Spring day. Did you hear that? That was a Lamb going, "Bahhhh" in the distance.

Y’all wanna know something else about Karma? She’s a bitch with a wicked sense of humor. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to sink into the mattress. My neck wasn’t sore anymore, thank God, but I was running a fever and had body aches again. *)(&^%$!!@ So I called into work, crawled back into bed, and slept till lunch. I woke up to this perfect day. Its the kind of day that makes you want to go sit on a patio. And here I am in my pajamas…miserable. So someone go have a pint or 3 of Smithwicks for me, ok? No green beer, you wankers. None of that Faux-Patrick’s Day nonsense. Green beer drinkers will be summarily shot, I say! Shot on sight!

I have always loved St. Patrick’s Day. My birthday is in the middle of the summer so I never got to have the school party like all the other kids. I lied about it being my birthday once, just so I could get the little crown and have everyone sing happy birthday to me. My best friend was in class with me and ratted me out. So I got put in the corner and my Mom got the phone call that SassySouth was a naughty little girl who lied. When she asked me I tearily explained that I just wanted a party like all the other kids. So from then on, St. Patrick’s Day was my unofficial birthday party. Gator Momma would bring cupcakes to school and I’d wear a little green foil tiara. My first grade teacher, Miss Whitehead, who to this day is still one of my most influential teachers ever, wore all green, including camoflauge pants and 3 inch green stiletto heels and a green feather boa (Gator Mom had pictures). She had on a green top hat, a garter belt that said, "Kiss Me, I’m Irish". Damn that woman was fabulous. So yeah…St. Patrick’s Day has a special place in my heart which is why all these drunk fests sort of get on my nerves. When it comes down to it, I’m just not a huge fan of crowds. Give me a pint and a pub any day.

So in honor of this day, here is my 2nd favorite adult memory of St. Patrick’s Day:
A few years ago a group of us got together at the Dunwoody Tavern for St. Patrick’s Day. Yes, its ironic we were celebrating an Irish holiday at an English Pub but Irish Car Bombs were being imbibed so it was all sort of ironic in a twisted sort of way. Also lots of Black and Tans were being drunk, much to the dismay of the Brits. Anyhoodle…this day is also significant because it is the first time the Sultan of Snark set his eyes on his future bride, Singin’ Girl. It was a significant day for them. She fell for him a few weeks later at another event, but thats a different story altogether. Anyway…We’re all having a grand time at our old hang out, the Dunwoody Tavern (at one point Miss YankeeSouth, Singin’ Girl, Auburn Sis, Girlyfriend, and I all lived in Dunwoody – it was awesome). I was at the bar and this Buckhead Bimbette walked in. You can tell the Club Girls from the Pub Girls. Its so obvious she was out of her element. She walked up to the bar and proudly, loudly, ordered a green beer. The bartender just LOOKED at her and said, "We don’t serve that here." The blonde rocked back on her stripper shoes (clear heels, y’all! At the Tav??) and said, "Well, then can I have a Sex on the Beach?" "We don’t serve those either." Clearly stumped, she then rattled off a list of umbrella drinks, half of which required a blender. If the Tav had a blender, it was probably used for a purpose that didn’t involve daquiris… Anyway, the exchange was reaching a level of ridiculous and people were backed up trying to order. I finally leaned over and suggested she order a rum and coke. She cheerfully ordered something she finally recognized (diet, of course) and then asked, loudly, "What kind of place IS this?!?!" The bartender and I answered flatly, in unison, "A pub." She just got a puzzled look on her faze and tottered back over to her group (the guys were all wearing those metrosexual black tight t-shirts to show off that they worked out 3 hours a day) who were looking very confused by the lack of beads being thrown and people just hanging out. They were then scared by the group playing pool telling them to move so they could make a shot. It was like watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, "One of these things does not go together…one of these things does not belonnnng!!" The bartender then turned to me and handed me a shot of Jameson, "On the house." Oh the LOLz…

So Jager introduced me to this a couple of years ago while I was visiting in Mobile. Its an oldie but a goodie and always great for a laugh on St. Pats. I don’t know what is funnier…the people in the video or the fact that this was actually NEWS???

"Where the Leprechaun at??"

And its the REMIX, bitches!!!

Official Weekly WTF Moment

13 Tuesday Jan 2009

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Apparently Pat Dye kept his mouth shut about the Chizik situation until Jay Jacobs practically BEGGED him to make a statement…

But y’all don’t DARE mess with Sammy The Cat.

This is the kind of shit they report on when its not football season in Alabama.  Seriously.  Like I’ve said before, Alabama revolves around college football.  Then we’d like y’all to point the cameras elsewhere for a while… or you might find UFOs, men jumping out of planes to avoid being indicted for financial fraud…and cats being banned from post offices and championed by former football coaches and fans of multiple SEC teams.  

Blatantly stole this link from the Auburner.  They get credit for finding it somewhere.  It just struck me as so damn perfect.  And y’all KNOW whoever wrote that letter to the post office was a Yankee.  Sammy has his own post office box now, in addition to his litter box.  So y’all can suck it.  He’s got every right to hang out at the Post Office in Notasulga.  Before now, they  only thing I ever remembered about Notasulga was that they had the annual Syrup Soppin’ Festival, lovingly known as The Syrup Sop. :::Alex P. Cheatin is now furiously scribbling a note to himself to remind Miss YankeeSouth that he NEEDS to attend a Syrup Sop, whatever the hell it is, because it sounds AWESOME.::: 

Countdown to the Iron Bowl!

24 Monday Nov 2008

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:::claps hands in glee:::

Its the Iron Bowl, y’allz. The IRON BOWL. The game Auburn has won for the past 6 years. The game we are being picked by everyone to lose so badly to Alabama that some folks are wondering if we should just forfeit this year.

Forfeit!?!

You shut your traitor @ss and go sit down. Don’t make me take off my jewelry and bitch slap you. Cuz I will. I was raised a Gator Fan, this girl knows in theory how to rumble. :::thumps her chest:::

Why is this game so intense? Well, have you been to Alabama? There are no other major sports. No professional teams. NOTHING is bigger than college football in that state and they LIKE it that way. Its irrelevant that many fans never actually attended college, let alone graduated. This game was literally cancelled for decades because the rivalry got FUGLY. They say it was over a dispute over per diem or other nonsense. "Poppycock" yell the old fans. We were burning buildings on each others campuses before LSU ever came to Auburn in the 90′s. The schools were legally not allowed to play one another. It took an act of the State Legislature to get the game reinstated.

So in honor of this rivalry, here is the BBC’s interpretation of the Iron Bowl from last year :::Dude, we made it on the BBC?!?!?::: (I love how they focus on pretty much EVERYTHING but the actual game itself!):

Pop Culture Obsession:  Going to see "Twilight" again with Dark Diva tonight.  :::yeys:::  So, how much did y’all LOVE the finale last night on "True Blood"?  Rene is one twisted SOB.  They are definitely deviating from the plot for season 2.  I’ve already had 2 people tell me they are buying all the books after last night because they HAVE TO KNOW what happens next.  YEY for Charlaine!!!  

  • Favorite moment of the evening was when Sookie is in the field, weeping over Bill, just emoting, while he snap, crackles, and pops in the sunlight.  Finally Sam runs up and uses the brains God gave him and tells her they have to get Bill out of the sun.  I swear, sometimes the TV version of Sookie is too stupid to live.  Seriously?  Just sit there and wail while he’s frying in front of you.  Book Sookie would have never been that dumb.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the show, but in some cases they are losing the essence of her as a character.  And that is saying a lot since they have the MOST material to work with since all the books are written from her point of view. 
  • Lafayette!?!  NOOO.  I don’t want to know its him.  I know its him but I’m in denial.  Alan Ball, please deviate on this one MAJOR plot point.  Pretty please?  Let the dead body be Lettie Mae!! 
  • Terry Bellefleur kills me in every scene.  "Your hair is like the sky after a bomb went off."  Arlene is strangely flattered.
  • Arlene’s kids seeing the vampire porn!  OMFG!!!
  • Andy Bellefleur has some serious karma headed his way and her name is MaryAnn the Maened! 
  • MAENED.  There, I said it. 
  • Jessica’s naughty goth school girl outfit was hilariously over the top teenage rebellion – which technically she is, all of it.  So you have the perfect storm.  A home schooled preachers daughter type teen who has been repressed her entire life and all of a sudden she’s free.  Oh, and a vampire.  Oh holy hellion.  Eric and Pam couldn’t handle her?  I loved Pam, "She’s VERY annoying."  Eric:  "There are favors and then there are FAVORS." 
  • Sam is getting out his big bag o’ money…any guesses what its for, y’all?

I’m having my first meet up with the Charlaine book club tomorrow night too!  :)   I can’t wait to figure out what books we’re going to read.  I think we may have to put a cap on the number of her books…just for variety’s sake, of course! 

Make the stupid people shuddup!!!

12 Wednesday Nov 2008

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There are so many options.  So so many.  But honestly, the thing that struck me speechless :::pauses for all of y’all to say, "YOU BIG FAT LIAR!  YOU ARE NEVER SPEECHLESS!!"::: this morning was another priceless gem from my morning blab fest on "The Bert Show" on Q100.  I listen to "The Bert Show" while I’m getting up because its mindless babble.  Half the time I am not even paying attention to what is being said.  When I get in the car I turn on NPR because then I want to actually KNOW what is going on in the world before I get into the office.  But at home while putting on the M.A.C. or Stila in the a.m. and choosing which shoes match what purse…I’m all about some mindless fluff.  Yes folks, this is the same group that gave us the UFO’s in Alabama…  So what item came up this morning that made me actually look myself in the eye this morning while brushing my teeth and say, "OH NO SHE DIDN’T"…  Bert asked listeners to call in if they had said they were going to move out of the country if Obama won to call in.  And two "special people" did.  I didn’t catch their full ages but I know the girl was 17 and I THINK the guy was 19?  Anyway, they declared they were "moving to Canada" because Obama won.  :::Apparently they missed the part in social studies class where Canada is more socialized than we are?  More progressive?  Cheered WILDLY that Obama won?  But I digress.:::  So Bert and company pressed them for answers.  :::snickering – even the McCain folks in the group were amused:::  Why do you want to move to Canada?  And then they said it and I just paused and wondered why people like this can be THE most fertile of all :::has anyone seen "Idiocracy"? – It was a shit movie but the part about stupid people procreating is very apropos here.::: "Obama is the Antichrist."  I’m sorry, what?  The morning show people just started laughing and then they realized that the two morons on the phone were serious.  So they egged them on :::of course…I’ll bet their Dads also thought Architecture wasn’t a real profession, B’ham Man!::: and asked why.  Apparently they work at THE STEAK AND SHAKE and one of their customers came in and was talking about how Obama was the Antichrist and these were the reasons why:  He’s a man in his 40′s of Muslim descent who has massive "Christ Like" appeal.  And of course, this is all from the book of Revelations.  So while I’m laughing, Jeff (one of the smart ones on the show, along with Melissa – who I don’t think was on this a.m. or she would have been snorting with laughter) was looking this up online.  And told them these facts:  The Book of Revelations (which, the girl stated, "Was where everything happens!") never mentions a man of muslim descent, or the term "Antichrist."  Even better?  The religion of Islam, which Muslims are worshipers of…yeah, that wasn’t founded till 400 years AFTER the bible was written.    After hearing this, Tweedle Ditz and Ditzier declared they still wanted to move to Canada.  Bert offered to come help them pack.  He offered to do this for free, as long as they provided unlimited burgers, fries, and shakes.  They happily agreed.  :::facepalm:::

Then the Canadians started calling in and telling them they weren’t welcome.  I CACKLED with laughter.  I hooted with glee.

Bert suggested they move to Cuba.  The girl SNEERED at Cuba because, "They have hurricanes down there!"  :::Let alone COMMUNISTS?  Lookout!:::  When they pointed this out to her she didn’t understand what they meant.  So they suggested she figure out what country she’d actually WANT to move to because IF Barack Obama is the Antichrist the world is over anyway so what is the point of leaving?  Oh yeah, because you work at STEAK AND SHAKE.  I forgot.  Lets tell them to move to Alabama and then the aliens can come and take them away!! 

On the Pop Culture watch…I saw "Hellboy 2:  The Golden Army" last night.  Meh.  It was ok.  I watched "Van Wilder:  The Rise of Taj" today and I feel bad for Indians because it made them look ridiculous.  Kal Penn must have been desperate to make that one…  Ugh.  I lost IQ points and I just had it on for background noise while I made dinner. 

Oh yeah, and I had to duck earlier…because NYC Bro is still throwing crap at me after I pointed out on Facebook that Danny Wuerffel is now living in Atlanta and he can FINALLY get that poster of him he had up on his wall FOREVER autographed.  LOL  Hell, at least I admit I had a crush on Shane Matthews.  He was soooo cuuuute.  :::swoon:::  

Lesson #485: Do not provoke a Bama fan

10 Monday Nov 2008

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The end is near!!  Alabama is ranked #1.  Quick folks, time to stock up the bomb shelters.  Auburn fans haven’t been on this high alert since we went undefeated in 2004 and we knew some Bama fan was going to go postal.  What?  You didn’t know Bama fans are crazy?  Have you not seen the news today?  Surprise!  Its about a Bama fan shooting and killing two people over the LSU game.   :::The police believe alcohol MIGHT have been involved.  Really?  Who’d have thunk???:::  Auburn fans have known this fact for years:  The more rural the area, the less likely the person was to have actually ATTENDED (let alone graduated from) U of A.  Your odds increased exponentially for being threatened or killed…  Ironically, this isn’t even the first time that something like this has come up.  A few years ago a Bama fan in Pinson, AL was arrested on attempted murder charges after a Bama loss.  He apparently threw a royal fit and in the midst of his temper tantrum, his son smarted off that he wanted a new car.  Dad decided that his son needed to be "taught a lesson".  :::This is a reenactment, Bama fans.  Like when y’all dress up like Civil War "Patriots" and go get shot by fake Yankees:::  "I’ll kill you!  That will teach you to smart off to me after Alabama loses to Arkansas!  Hold still while I strangle you!   You have no respect for the Crimson Tide!  You must DIIIIEEEE!!!"  Violence ensues.  Nice.  The funny part is, these are just the examples we know of that MAKE the news.  95% of the time it gets ignored. :::Another reenactment, Bammers.  Its fake.  Like "pretend".:::  "Those boys that beat up little Timmy for wearing his University of Tennessee sweat shirt to school?  They were just playing around.  Its just kid stuff."  :::Meanwhile Timmy is in intensive care and his parents are getting bomb threats at their house.:::

People, Alabama fans tattoo the Bear on their bodies. 

There are some that are seriously MENTAL.  They INVENT national championships because they had an undefeated season.  No, really?  RILLY.  So these recent Tiger National Championships must have gotten into some LSU fans heads and they forget that for years they wouldn’t make eye contact with certain Bama fans because something just wasn’t right with that person…  They tend to overlook the sea of insane, rabid Bama fans and only see the ones they show on television with their houndstooth hats and cute red and white outfits.  For every one of them you see on television there are 3-4 in the state that can’t find Tuscaloosa on a map.  Jager tells a great story about being in Tuscaloosa for an Auburn game and a Bama fan in overalls, decked out in Tide gear, walked up to he and Mrs. Jager (who are CLEARLY Auburn fans) while holding his tickets, looking bewildered, and asked them where the stadium was.  Jager pointed over their heads to the GIGANTIC football stadium in plain site and the guy says, "I’ve never been to Tuscaloosa before!  Been a Bama fan my whole life!  Roll Tide!!!"  Pretty typical.  Jager and friends just watched him wander off and realized he probably couldn’t read.  :::shakes head:::  At least he was a nice one!  During last years Auburn vs. Alabama game the entire row in front of us was scalped to Bama fans.  Not a single one of them had actually gone to school there.  When we acted surprised, they asked how many of us had graduated from Auburn and every adult Auburn fan within talking distance had a degree from Auburn University.  At one point I had to hit Jager on the arm a few times and remind him to STOP TAUNTING the BAMA fans in front of us.  They probably have more guns in their trucks than our tailgate have at home, combined!  I have a great picture on my cell phone of Jager literally sitting there with his Auburn Tiger Santa Hat shoved in his mouth to keep him from getting us all shot.  LOL

Moral of the story?  I wasn’t kidding, UGA fans.  Florida fans may be arrogant SOBs but at least they aren’t homicidal crazies who are armed to the teeth and will shoot you for saying something nasty about their team.  Why do y’all think this blog is anonymous??? 

Help us Tim Tebow!  You’re our only hope!!!

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