So I titled this blog, Dragon*Con – The Condensed Version for 2 reasons. 

1 – There is college football going on right now that I am missing and lets face it bitches, attention MUST be paid. 
2 – I seriously cannot wrap my head around all the awesome from this weekend.  I’m still reeling from the shock at how much I have MISSED over the years.  Y’all know I’ve been learning to embrace the things about which I am passionate (see point #1 above as an example) yet my inner Geek has been crying to get out for years.  For years my Southern Sorority Girl beat her down into submission with peer pressure and the threat of being spiked with 3 inch heels until finally, FINALLY, they realized that they could coexist.  Possibly because the Geek Girl watched "Kill Bill" a few times and was inspired…but I digress.  Granted, sometimes this creates a slight multiple personality disorder but my close friends and family will tell you that well…thats just Sassy.  

Sooo…where to start?  

Well…why not with the reason I went to Dragon*Con in the first place?  Ok, ok…by now y’all know that I love me some Charlaine Harris.  Like a fat kid loves cake.  After years of reading fantasy and sci-fi books and being slightly embarrased when people asked me about my book collection I finally embraced my love of the genre and Charlaine was the first author who made me Fangirl enough to post on her website. I discovered a lovely online community of like minded individuals and here I am, years later…one of her Moderators.  So Charlaine committed to coming to D*C and I went into full Southern Belle hostess mode.  I quickly took it upon myself to assist in throwing the Dragon*Con Charlatan Event.  A year later…whew!!  What a ride.  After a lot of planning and coordinating with her awesome BFF Paula and many boxes shipped to my office (THANK YOU HBO!) we were ready.  We went to a ton of Charlaine’s panels and I have to say…we need to invent a drinking game for the repeat questions we hear OVER AND OVER…  Its annoying to us.  I can’t imagine how hard it is for Charlaine to be so polite and answer every single time.  She’s a friggin’ saint.  Here’s a clue people, Charlaine IS NOT going to tell you who Sookie ends up with.  Hello…there are four more books in her contract and only 1 of them is written so far.  We had 52+ people at the brunch held exclusively for her online fan club.  Dallas Darling, Baltimore Babe, and Earth Girl were all invaluable in helping me prepare.  Particularly Baltimore Babe for being our virtual Sookie Stackhouse encyclopedia and Dallas Darling for actually running the trivia contest.  So many of the awesome people we’ve met on her boards came to the convention and I was truly thrilled to meet Cali Girl, Bier Fraulein, and their darling hubbies.  The Charlatans are the best! 

Other top Dragon*Con Moments:

• Registration:  I knew I’d love Dragon*Con from the very beginning.  At registration the guy told me as I walked up for my turn at the booth, "Please forgive me for saying this…but you are GORGEOUS!!"  No forgiveness needed, darlin’!  He was so sweet and sincere, fumbling with his registration materials and complimenting me.  What a lovely way to start the Con.  My self esteem got a huge boost that morning.  So thank you Registration Dude.  I owe you a drink.
• My favorite t-shirts:  "And then Buffy staked Edward, The End."  "If you’re a Goth, where were you when they sacked Rome?"  "Stupid should hurt."  "Come to the Dark Side.  We have cookies."  "Everything is not flat in Iowa."
• The "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" and "Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog" sing alongs.  These were made of awesome.  I have to admit though…the "Dr. Horrible" show was far superior to the "Buffy" performance.  It might have helped that Felicia Day, she of the awesome "Do you want to date my Avatar?" video that I posted pre-Dragon*Con and the female romantic lead of "Dr. Horrible" stopped by, Mai Tai in hand (no, really – of all things?!) to give the folks kudos for doing a sing-a-long to the sing-a-long.  She’s adorable in person.  Pics on the slide show, of course.
• Who is that FINE LOOKIN’ MAN?!?!:  Ok, so back story.  Friday night a group of us went out for drinks after the madness.  We were down the block from the Hyatt and the Marquis having a relaxing late night nosh at the restaurant the Thriller Man had noticed noticed had Dragon*Con drink specials (well played my friend!) on their patio when I looked up and spotted a VERY good looking guy walk by.  My internal monologue was, "Wow.  He’s a dead ringer for that hot lookin’ dude from "Stargate Atlantis."  OHMIGOD ITS HIM!"  My external reaction was a lot of hand flailing and pointing while saying in a frantic low voice, "Famous dude! LOOK LOOK!  Someone get a picture!!"  Bier Frauline quickly saved the day, snatched up my camera and played a real life game of "Frogger" dodging through traffic to run across the road into Morton’s where they were headed for dinner.  She cornered them and got a picture of them both.  They are now also known as my new Sci-Fi crushes, Jason Mamoa and Joe Flannigan:    We might have also gotten a picture of Joe Flannigan’s butt…  I’m not sure I should admit that…but there ya go. 
• The Miss Klingon Empire Beauty Pageant had to be my favorite moment of the entire Con for the sheer hilarity of it.  The judges were all former "Star Trek" universe cast members.  I actually took video and if it wasn’t such poor quality, I’d post it on here.  Needless to say, the tune of "She’s a Lady" by Tom Jones took on a WHOLE new meaning when the term, "She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s got ridges on her face…she’s a KLINGON!!" were sung off key.  Hilarity ensued.  The winner, her Klingon name escapes me, vowed to rid the world of Hannah Montana and walked on stage carrying a light saber (take that "Star Wars" vs. "Star Trek" haters…and never the two shall meet!) and ready to wreak vengeance upon any who did her wrong.  They were judged on beauty, talent, and personality.  Yes…  So here is our winner, Ariam:  Is she lovely??  Here’s a bit from the "Daily Dragon" (yes, there’s a news letter!  SQUEE!)  "Warrior Ariam stole the show, however, when she sang the threatening yet sexy “One way or another, I’m gonna find you,” while jabbing her sword repeatedly into an invisible enemy’s heart.  This epitome of Klingon womanhood surged to victory when asked a difficult question about waking up in bed with a human, a Ferengi, and a garden gnome, surrounded by assorted accouterments that included Romulan ale and bubble wrap.  Her answer wowed the crowd.  With calm assurance, she growled, “When I was but a toddler warrior, I was asked that very question by my parents.  I will tell you now what I told them then.  I would rather caress the ears of a Ferengi as he breathes on my neck.  I would rather mind-meld with a Vulcan as he forces his logic upon me.  I would rather be on a holodeck with Data as he searches for inner humanity . . . than be dishonored by answering your question!”  MADE.  OF.  WIN.  Did I mention we used to have a dog named Worf.  Cuz we TOTALLY did.  FOR REAL.  
• Noticed:  Only ONE "Twilight" t-shirt was spotted the entire time we were at the con.  Seriously.  And the girl looked sheepish as we pointed her out on Monday when she was taking her bags to the car.  It was like it was her last clean t-shirt and she really was embarassed to be caught in it.  Here I was, thinking that people would finally have an excuse to use up the rest of that body bling glitter lotion we all slathered on in the lat 90′s (c’mon ladies, you ALL know you did it!) to get the special "glittery diamond marble adonis cupcake angel" look.   Cleolinda would have been SO disappointed.
• Noticed:  Artist with evil "My Little Pony" art.  I immediately tweeted Miss Cleo.
•    WARNING:  IF YOU SEE EITHER OF THESE MEN RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION IMMEDIATELY (or prepare to be hilariously molested).  :::Mom, Dad, you may want to look away now.::: So on Saturday I decided to wear my new Maxi dress.  Its very very pretty.  Full length, coral, with a beautiful swirling pattern on it and a very deep plunging neckline.  Yes.  So the girls were definitely, ahem, up front and center.  We camped out in the Marriott Marquis bar after lunch (Taqueria del Sol – y’all know I took my girls to the good local places!) and pretty much didn’t move all afternoon.  The UGA vs. Oklahoma State game was on the big screen and the people watching was MIGHTY FINE so I wasn’t going anywhere.  All the people watching came to us, so it was a win : win situation.  Gene Simmons was amongst the many present and I asked if I could take his picture.  Clearly, he was in character.  After I snapped the shot above and started to turn around he offered to take a picture WITH me.  (You will notice I did not appear in any of the photos in the slide show because I don’t want to be the entertainment…I want to be a spectator.)  I reluctantly said yes at his enthused insistence…which is how there is a picture of him putting his…metal encrusted wang…on my arm.  Mr. UGA would have laughed till he cried and possibly fell off his chair.  Although the picture doesn’t show my face and I’m sort of curled into a semi-fetal position clearly mortified and laughing so hard I’m crying, the beauty of having an anonymous blog is that I don’t have to post the pictures!  HUZZAH.  The 2nd incident happened shortly thereafter.  Pirate Boy was standing nearby and I turned and asked him for a picture.  He lunged at me and I got the shot above.  After a few minutes, he and his best buddy…a MONK, approached me wanting to know if I wanted to participate in a little wager the two of them had.  Now clearly, anyone watching this scene in the movie would yell out, "HELLO, PIRATE!?!" so I was wary.  I had them clarify the wager.  I thought I was canny.  I knew this would somehow involve "the girls".  Sure enough, the wager involved some coins (which were displayed for my viewing enjoyment) and "exposed flesh".  Considering I was wearing a full length dress…the "playing field" was clear.  A small crowd had gathered and I’d be the no fun asshat if I didn’t play along.  So I agreed.  I thought said coins would be tossed into my cleavage.  Lo and behold, Pirate Boy puts the gold coin IN HIS MOUTH and bends over to dramatically, slowly, emphatically, bow-chicka-bow-wow-style and places it in my cleavage.  Cali Girl got pictures, y’all.  Bless!  Next the Monk took his turn.  By this point I was staring at the ceiling laughing but clearly mortified and I could tell he felt bad for me.  He complimented my perfume (Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom and Honey strikes again!) and promptly fumbled his coin release.  The Pirate wins!  The good news was I get to keep the spoils…so I have two spiffy Sacajawea dollar coins for my troubles.  I can now never run for office, ever…because there are pictures of this blessed event out there.  Shizzle.  Did I mention I am wearing the same dress to the wedding tomorrow?  Yes…Girlyfriend and I have an appointment in the morning with some needle, thread, and double sided tape.  Its a full Catholic Mass y’all.  And I know the priest.  :::facepalm:::
• PEOPLE WATCHING.  I could have tossed my Sacajawea coins into the gaping mouths of the Bama fans as they traversed the lobby of the Marquis.  We all knew they were mouth breathers already…but now I’ve seen it in person.  I went to the bar a few times and only had one marriage proposal (darn, I was hoping for at least 2) but met this lovely Virginia Tech Lady (said with a capital "L" as she sipped her Dom Perignon at the bar) who was having FAR too much fun people watching.  She turned to me and asked what a nice normal girl was doing in a place like this and then proceeded to tell me she’d called her HUSZZZBAND two tiiiimes to tell him to get down here because he was MISSIN’ IT!!  Bless her heart.  That must have been the highlight of her day…cuz we all know how the game went.
• ESPN College Game Day broadcasting at the same time was either an epic SMASH UP by the Gods or one of the funniest practical jokes of all time.  Girlyfriend came by the house to meet the girls just in time.  I was about to get sucked into my other obsession and she saved me from being rude to my guests.  Next year I won’t miss the parade. 
• Last, but certainly not least…Dragon*Con decided, in a moment of brilliant nerdy-I-love-you-GENIUS…that they were going to try to break the Guinness Book of World Records current record for the most people dancing to Michael Jackson’s classic, "Thriller."  All throughout the Con you could hear the music spontaneously playing.   I would have done it if the practices hadn’t conflicted with a few of the panels I wanted to go to (and lets face it, Southern Belles don’t sweat…we glisten.  I wasn’t about to start dancing around in my sun dresses and let the girls accidentally come out and play).  However, Thriller Man (thus explaining the blog name), Bier Fraulein’s most awesome husband, duly represented the Charlatans while SUFFERING FROM BRONCHITIS.  Now he is a true man!  So I leave you with this incredible video of the official dance.  Folks…you have to people watch.  Some of the costumes dancing to this are just friggin’ hilarious.  Its a geek moment of awesome of EPIC PROPORTIONS and I love it all the much more for it.  Baltimore Babe, Dallas Darling, and Earth Girl…pay particular attention to one of the 3 people leading the dance.  You’ll notice its the "lovely lady" in the green sailor outfit we were behind on the steps leading up the Hyatt and we got a straight shot UP his/her skirt because we were RIGHT behind him on the steep, steep, STEEP stairs and MY EYES!!  MY EYES!!!  Enjoy:

If you watch the next video on the YouTube scroll you’ll get to see the ALIEN dancing during one of the practice sessions.   Rock the hell on.

So Jager, I missed the first Auburn game of the season and it was TOTALLY WORTH IT.  I will do it again next year.  Congrats Dragon*Con, you have a new desciple.