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I am so glad I don’t live in Alabama right now…

09 Saturday Jan 2010

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Ok, so I’ve had a few days to gather my thoughts around Alabama beating the snot out of Texas and winning the National Championship.  I read various hilarious points of view saying that all SEC fans should be rooting for Alabama.  Uh, ok?  Ask my UGA brother about cheering for Florida.  Yeah, that didn’t happen either.  Some rivalries are just too intense to overlook.  My UGA friends don’t cheer for Florida, Auburn fans don’t cheer for Bama.  Well, at least THIS fan didn’t cheer for Alabama.  I shall now display my tweets (they are in reverse order, most recent to oldest) from during the game.  My tweets are in blue.  My post game commentary is in orange.

My thoughts via Twitter:

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…and STILL no smile from Saban. Thus adding to the massive amount of evidence that he’s Satan, misspelled. #auburn, #wareagle, #beatbama    12:05 AM Jan 8th from web  This is why Tebow cried. 

Oh man. Game over. So sad to see this game played without McCoy. He would have made such a difference. At least its an SEC win? #hatebama 12:01 AM Jan 8th from web  Each SEC school will get about $1M out of a SEC team winning the national championship.  Oh yeah, and that makes it FOUR YEARS IN A ROW.  (If we were using Alabama math that would make it 6.)  

Aww hell. Dangit Texas. They even made a MOVIE about THE BLIND SIDE. Yeesh. 11:49 PM Jan 7th from web  Probably one of the few times during that game when McCoy was glad he wasn’t still playing.  That poor backup QB…

@timmyhendrix Yep. I called out a Bama fan today. She was talking smack on a conference call and I asked her when she graduated… FAIL. 11:45 PM Jan 7th from web in reply to timmyhendrix  Yes, I’m evil.  I let her crow about Alabama for about 5 minutes and then sweetly made a comment about her Alma Mater…which forced her to admit it WASN’T her Alma Mater. 

We’ve got ourselves a GAME, people!!! 11:36 PM Jan 7th from web  Texas brought it within 3 and then proceeded to fall apart.  Way to go, Muschamp… #defenseFAIL

Current count of FB friends saying, "Roll Tide!" = 30+ and counting. Total count of actual Alabama graduates = 2. 10:53 PM Jan 7th from web  This was retweeted so many times I lost count.  I also didn’t count all the Auburn TRAITORS fans who were cheering for Alabama.  This was truly just the people who cheer for Alabama who never went there.  Its pretty easy to get a count via facebook with all their friend groups.  I just clicked on the one I created for my high school in Alabama and blammo, instant statistics!  Thank you, Facebook!

slmandel  This is the slowest reaction to a streaker in sports history. … They let the guy dance around and do a cartwheel 10:37 PM Jan 7th from TweetDeck Retweeted by you and 5 others  Those of us watching in person missed the up close and personal details since they have a policy of not showing streakers on television.  But I had a mental image of Will Ferrell running across the field a la "Old School" – he IS a USC alum and lives in LA.  God, that would have been awesome.

If Alabama wins, yey SEC! If Alabama loses, schadenfreude enjoyment for all Auburn fans. Sounds like a win:win situation to me! 10:18 PM Jan 7th from web  I used big words so Bama fans still don’t get the joke…

@cleolinda LOL, you’re so pretty! 10:06 PM Jan 7th from web in reply to cleolinda  My favorite blogger is from B’ham and her family are all Bama fans but she is adorably clueless about football.  She remembered the game was on about half way through it.  Bless.

Texas, you may now steal our bumper sticker concept, "Honk if you sacked McElroy!" :::honk honk::: #auburn #texas #wareagle 9:07 PM Jan 7th from web  This is so much funnier if A) You win the game and B) You saw all the "Honk if you sacked Brodie" bumper stickers after the 2005 Iron Bowl.  

Best facebook status update EVER: "I wear an Auburn shirt because I went to Auburn. You wear a Bama shirt because you went to Wal-Mart" 9:02 PM Jan 7th from web  Another good one from a friend of mine, "Alabama fans love football.  Auburn fans love Auburn."  Yep, that about sums it up. 

Did you hear that? That was me HOOTING with laughter. Hot damn, this is fun. 8:44 PM Jan 7th from web  Damn you Muschamp, you keep up this cycle of raising my hopes and then smashing them to pieces…  That opening drive actually made one of my Bama fan friends turn off the game and start drinking, heavily.   She didn’t turn it back on until halftime.

JOSH GROBAN! Now THAT is more like it! Sing it, Josh! Wait, is that FLEA behind him?!?! 8:34 PM Jan 7th from web  This was seriously the oddest gimmick I’ve seen for the National Anthem, uhh ever?  The band was made up of Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I think a MARIACHI BAND?!  Official WTF?!!? moment here…  Oh yeah, and it was awful.  

Time out. Audra McDonald sings America the Beautiful? No offense, but seriously?? 8:27 PM Jan 7th from web  If she had been an American Idol contestant Randy Jackson would have told her she was a bit pitchy at the end…  This was in Pasadena, CA.  Were no professional singers available???  

CRAP. Corso picked Texas. Lets hope the Auburn curse doesn’t also apply to the Longhorns. #auburn #wareagle 8:17 PM Jan 7th from web  Nope.  It does.  @#$%^&!!!

Around the bowl and down the hole, Roll Tide Roll… 8:13 PM Jan 7th from web  A Bama fan actually thought I was cheering for Alabama when I said this.  U R SMRT.  HKD AWN FAWNIKS WRKD 4 U?

WTF why is Mark May wearing sunglasses? He looks like an idiot on the College Gameday show. 8:03 PM Jan 7th from web  I still think he looked like an idiot.  Although LOOKING like an idiot and saying idiotic things are entirely different.  Lou Holtz may be one of the nicest people on the planet but his cray-cray logic for why Texas was going to win the game (Because Alabama has been playing so well they HAVE to make a mistake?!  WTF Lou?  You stayed at Notre Dame too long and then had that philosophy reinforced at South Carolina.) was just an ominous sign of things to come.  Mark May may have LOOKED like an idiot but the real idiot of the moment was sitting next to him.  

So there ya go.  My friends…now you have to deal with Alabama being National Champs.  And honestly, NOTHING is worse than an arrogant Alabama fan.  Here is a pictorial montage for you to enjoy:

Congrats on the National Championship! 

This video shows the only point in the game when I actually cheered for an Alabama player:

HIT HIM AGAIN!!  HIT HIM AGAIN!!!

Oh, and did y’all hear where they will proudly be displaying the National Championship Trophy?  I cannot make this shit up. I will quote the article from WVUA –

"The trophy will be on display Saturday, January 9 at the Walmart Supercenter on Skyland Boulevard in Tuscaloosa, from noon until 4:00 p.m. Sunday, January 10, it will be in the Gardendale location on 890 Odum Road from 10:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m. Fans should be able to have their picture taken with the trophy."

Thank you, Bama.  THANK YOU.  Now who is headed over there to get the pictures for PeopleofWalmart.com???

I leave my Auburn friends with this note from this season’s Iron Bowl:  Something unexpected happened.  I’ve been told by many who were there that the feeling in the stadium was electric, even after the loss.  Auburn fans showed their spirit and pride and many Bama fans were stunned that we did not leave with our tails between our legs.  We walked out of that stadium proudly.  Know this, Bama.  When Florida rolled over and Tebow cried, Auburn fans stayed in the stadium and sang the Alma Mater.  When Texas fans left early and will vehemently say that they WOULD have won if McCoy hadn’t gotten hurt, Auburn fans will simply say, "Good game.  Congrats on your first Heisman.  See you next year." 

P.S.  First Urban Meyer’s debacle at UF and now Pete Carroll is leaving USC for the NFL?  Leach gets fired and looks like dude from USF who I never really cared enough about to learn his name is getting fired too?  Man, this next season is going to be INTERESTING.

Raining cats, dogs, and Tigers!!

21 Monday Sep 2009

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Well here we are on Monday and yes, for those of you who are watching the news and are aware that the south east is getting a record amount of rainfall.  The last time we had flooding like this in Atlanta was after Hurricane Ivan.  Y’all see a hurricane on the radar?  Nope.  Its just been raining…for DAYS.  And it ain’t stoppin’.  I just saw news footage of people in a row boat using a WEED WHACKER as a motor.  Damn, we rednecks are crafty folk.  A dude rescued his cat by floating it out of his house on a bean bag.  Too bad his lava lamp didn’t survive.  But you can bet your ass if there was a football game to be played in weather like this, it would be played. 

Oh wait, it was!! 

Did y’all SEE the footage from the Auburn vs. West Virginia game on Saturday?  Take a look at THIS video and come back.  The singing in the distance?  That is the Auburn student section.  When they EVACUATED the stadium (yes, evacuated – in all my years as an Auburn fan I don’t think thats ever happened) the majority of the students stayed and partied their asses off in the rain.  They sang along to the music and kept their energy level up the entire game.  It was originally a 7:45 p.m. EST kick off.  The bottom fell out beforehand and the stadium was evacuated because there was a severe weather advisory.  They had to wait until 30 minutes after the last confirmed lightning strike before they could kick off.  So at 8:49 p.m. EST the game finally got started.  And I sat on the edge of my seat, thanking God I wasn’t down there in the rain, praying to GOD our defense finally realized that Noel Devine is one fast SOB.  That dude is a blur.  Jager joked last year that he saw him run by his window in Baton Rouge and I wouldn’t doubt it.  Shiza!  So I endured the good (yardage), the bad (interceptions!), and the ugly (our tackling is ATROCIOUS) to see our Tigers prevail in the end.  Huzzah.  We’re 3-0.  Normally that would mean we are ranked but Auburn is going to be the Rodney Dangerfield of the SEC this year.  They get no respect.  Frankly I’m not quite ready to declare victory yet either.  WVU is unranked and although Noel Devine is a candidate to play The Flash in the movie adaptation of the comic book, I am still cautiously optimistic.  Yes Superman, STILL.  I’m glad we won.  Now lets go beat a RANKED opponent, mmmkay?  And speaking of watching from home, what is UP with all the Scientology commercials on ESPN2 during the game?  Uhh, hello Scientologists.  God has this Bible and it’s got a BELT and the BUCKLE is in Alabama.  I think you missed your target audience by a few time zones.  Aim your radar at UC Berkley, ok?  The largest campus organization at Auburn (last I checked) was still Campus Crusade for Christ.  So unless you can prove that Jesus was a Scientologist or L. Ron Hubbard was a Disciple, I think your mission is futile.  

As for the other games…USC lost, heheheheh!  I loved Sarkisian’s comments at the end of the game.  He answered every question with the same answer just worded differently.  "Our kids played HARD!"  "We won because we played HARD!"  Hey coach, INTERVIEWING is HARD, aint it?  There’s this little thing called Media Training, you may want to look into it…along with Lane Kiffin.  So UT bothered to show up for the game but if Monte hadn’t been covering for his son’s ass with a strong defense (and Tebow needs to get straight with the Lord because he was OFF during that game) UT would have gone down in flames.  I’m just glad UF won because if not, Shug and I might have had to sneak back home because Gator Dad has this amazing Incredible Hulk impression when the Gators don’t do well and my puppy is only 6.5 months old.  At the very beginning of the game, Gator Mom screamed like someone was attacking her when the UF player got attacked via facemask.  She was shrieking and startled Dad and I.  Shug had NO idea what do do.  He would jumpup and run to the people when they were clapping and yelling, thinking they were saying "YEY PUPPY!  It must be because I’m good!" and when we were screaming at the television he was cowering trying to figure out what he did wrong.  So cute.  I’m glad no one in our household yelled, "Go Dawgs!" during the UGA game (it was more like, "KILL THE HAWGS!") because that would be really confusing to him and frankly thats pushing it.  We’re supportive to a point.  After that…don’t expect me to sing your fight song or anything.  NYC Bro doesn’t even return the favor and cheer for Auburn or UF so frankly, this is a one sided support system anyway.  But I digress…so UGA looked ok against Arkansas but wow, that game had me worried for a bit.  Where was the defense?  On either side?  Seriously.  That was slightly alarming.  We have more games to play and the even more alarming was the fact that Arkansas is showing some progress.  #$%^!!   Finally, do I even need to mention how badly Alabama beat the ever living bejesus out of North Texas?  Damn Nicky Saban…that was harsh.

Getting serious now…

I will admit one thing impressed me a LOT so far with this regime change.  Gene Chizik has apparently been making the team recite the Auburn Creed.  He’s been emphasizing it as their foundation as a team and as their tie to the university.  For those of you who know me, you know how much the Creed means to me and to many of my fellow Auburn alums.  Its the basis for our philosophy and a way to live.  I learned it the first time I stepped foot on campus and lived it for the rest of my time there.  I have it framed and hanging in my office.  The one thing that always annoyed me when one of our football players was interviewed in the past was that they didn’t seem to know about Auburn.  This university that loved and supported them…and they had no foundation.  They didn’t know our traditions.  They didn’t know what it was to be an Auburn Man or an Auburn Woman.  And what I heard the players saying again, and again…and again…was that they all had the same vision.   They were all on the same page.  When Kodi Burns wasn’t named as the starting quarterback, he didn’t cause division on the team.  Instead, he stood up and made this statement, "The coaches chose to go in another direction. I worked really hard. I tried to prove myself. Obviously, things didn’t work out. But I believe God has a plan for me. They went with Chris. That’s a good thing. It’s a good thing for the team. I’m 100 percent behind him. Chris Todd is the quarterback and I have no problem with that. It was a great year and a great competition. I really appreciate the coaching staff…"  This article summed it up well, Kodi Burns is the definition of an Auburn Man.  He’s a true example of the Auburn spirit and someone who is living the creed.  Thank you Kodi and thank you Coach Chizik for starting to lead our team back to their core values.  Just keep it up!

So on that note…and while there’s a lull in the rain so I can go start working on the foundation for my ARK, here is the Auburn Creed.

THE AUBURN CREED

I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only on what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work.

I believe in education, which gives me the knowledge to work wisely and trains my mind and my hands to work skillfully.

I believe in honesty and truthfulness, without which I cannot win the respect and confidence of my fellow men.

I believe in a sound mind, in a sound body and a spirit that is not afraid, and in clean sports that develop these qualities.

I believe in obedience to law because it protects the rights of all.

I believe in the human touch, which cultivates sympathy with my fellow men and mutual helpfulness and brings happiness for all.

I believe in my Country, because it is a land of freedom and because it is my own home, and that I can best serve that country by "doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with my God."

And because Auburn men and women believe in these things, I believe in Auburn and love it.
-George Petrie (1945)

….now some folks in the Auburn Athletic department would have done well last year if they had remembered some of the key points above.  Ahem…

Schadenfreude: The Auburn Trustee Edition

24 Monday Aug 2009

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Ok….so the Colonial Bank collapse was the 6th largest in US history.

You gotta give it to good old Bobby Lowder, when he goes out…he goes out with a BANG. 

Come!  Share in the schadenfreude:

  •  The Wall Street Journal breaks it down for us.  This is gonna cost the FDIC a pretty penny.  The comments are interesting too.  Regions bank is also on the radar?  Heh.
  • CNN notes that there is also a criminal investigation going on.   And they didn’t even qualify for TARP funds.  Damn.  The fed said, "HAYL NAW."
  • Holy crap y’all.  Wikipedia is already updated.  And I quote:  "Robert E. "Bobby" Lowder (b. ca. 1944 in Alabama) is a former American banking executive, and founder and former longtime CEO of the failed Colonial Bank and Colonial BancGroup, Colonial Bank’s former parent company."  And my favorite part:  "In 2001, the Board of Trustees at Auburn summarily dismissed President William V. Muse, inspiring a widespread campus vote of no confidence in the Board. The widespread belief on campus was that Lowder exerted tight private control over the Board, and thus over the ostensibly public university, using his clout to place some of his close friends in positions of power."  WORD.  Have I mentioned that Wikipedia was founded by an Auburn alum?  No, really.
  • An oldie but a goodie…the now infamous ESPN article about Bobby Lowder being, perhaps, the most powerful individual booster in college athletics, "…being the most influential booster isn’t just about forking over big bucks, which Lowder has graciously done. Lots of rich guys pay to have the family name grace a stadium or arena. Some others also have a say in the hiring and firing of coaches. A few sit on boards of trustees. And, in rare cases, a booster or two has been known to run amock of NCAA rules.  But having a role in the school’s probation with its academic accreditation group, risking its academic credibility? Now that’s a feat hard to top. And further proof that the manipulative Auburn Tiger is the most hands-on alumnus in college sports."  Are y’all still wondering why I’m doing a dance right now??
  • He "retires" 3 months before the entire house of cards collapses.  Nice.  Note they say, practically in the same breath, that he’s still staying on as an Auburn trustee.  Basically admitting the man had was more notorious for his control over both entities and squashing hopes of Auburn alumni across the board.  FYI – that "capital infusion" never happened.  The deal fell through.  The sink hole got too big and they were suspended by the FHA on August 4th.  No, really.   
  • Oh goodie, finally something I can AGREE with Bama fans on!!  Is it snowing in hell?  Did pigs just fly?  :::Oh snap, y’all.  They quoted the Auburn Creed in their article.  I may have to cut a bitch.:::
  • He quotes the bible and then compares the price of 19 shares of Colonial Bank stock to the cost of a McDonald’s Happy Meal.  I think I may love this man just a little.   "John Dean once told President Nixon, “There’s a cancer growing on the presidency.”  Ditto for Auburn. Nixon’s cancer was Watergate. Auburn’s cancer is Lowder."  Is Paul Davis single?  Can I now propose marriage?  I promise, I’m single and not at all creepy.  I have excellent references.
  • Shit y’all…we even show up on NC State’s radar.  Sometimes I even remember they have a football team!  Apparently they know all about good old Bobby.
  • Wow.  An entire website dedicated to Bobby Lowder…or really a countdown to when he’s no longer a trustee.  Yet amazingly they don’t have anything about this whole Colonial Bank debacle posted yet.  :::sadness:::
  • A totally made up story but damn funny nonetheless. 

Ironically, while typing up this blog Gator Momma called and said what I was thinking…even as I post this I’m secretly afraid Lowder’s minions will figure out who I am and smite me from afar.  I’m telling y’all…the man is freaky scary.
Courtesy of CNN.com
War Damn Failure. 

I believe this is a practical world…

12 Wednesday Aug 2009

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Ok…so now I think its been long enough.  Don’t think this is me getting over Auburn treating Tommy Tuberville poorly.  I’m SO NOT OVER that.  But I think its time for me to drink the damn grape Kool-Aid and finally embrace the new coaching staff at Auburn.  Do not interpret "embrace" as me running up to Coach Chizik and manically hugging him like this crazy Bama beotch (its too good to link, y’all get the video):

…my reaction would probably be more like me bumping into him in Auburn (where no one seems to really know what he looks like yet – dude had to wear a NAME TAG at SEC Media days, y’all!) and wishing him luck and then when he turns his back, trying NOT to mutter, "Try not to suck…" under my breath or not?  Nah, I’d be lying if I said I’d actually be rude to him in person.  He’s a nice man, I’m sure.  Now if I ran into Jay Jacobs?  TOTALLY different story.  I’d never say that to Bobby Lowder because he’d send his evil demon minions from hell after me.  Little imps would be chasing me all over the place.  

This is me sort of starting to get over my dismay over the state of Auburn football right now. 

So I’ve officially moved through a stage of the mourning process and I’ve gone from rage to pouting.  I’ve put my big girl panties on.  I’m starting to deal with it.  Most Auburn fans will probably just be saying, "At least we’re not South Carolina.  They’ve had a good coach for YEARS and still can’t do shit."

P.S. – Meeting went ok.  It actually didn’t happen.  Got called off by the other person so I said my piece to the people in charge.  I’m done.  Its such a relief to get this resolved and its no longer my issue.  I stuck to my guns and didn’t back down.  I’m now enjoying that bottle glass of wine…

Schaudenfraude – The NCAA Violation Edition

11 Thursday Jun 2009

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Hi kids! Welcome back to Vocabulary Hour! I’m your hostess, SassySouth. What are we talking about in this lesson? Well today, we’re revisiting one of our favorite words: Schadenfreude. What does Schadenfreude mean? Well, the American Heritage Dictionary defines it as:

scha⋅den⋅freu⋅de

–noun satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.
Origin:
1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy

And why are we revisiting a word we already defined previously? Well kiddos, there is nothing like a big ass German word to describe my enjoyment over the penalties the NCAA just leveled against the University of Alabama over textbooks. Yes, that is not a typo. Textbooks. (For my non sports loving readers – get the background here and here then come back to experience the Schaudenfraude with us!) And its not just about a single sports program (yes Tide sidewalk fans – your "school" that you never attended actually plays other sports!) but almost the ENTIRE athletic program. 16 sports were cited for the textbook scandal. SIXTEEN. The only sport without a penalty was rowing. ROWING?! You have got to be kidding me. More than 200 Alabama athletes were involved in this scam while they were already under NCAA probation. And that my friends is what the major issue is. This isn’t about textbooks. Its about shit going down while they were supposed to be cleaning up their act after the cluster F#@! a few years ago (remember why Phil Fulmer won’t cross the state line?). And they got…3 years of probation and may have to "forfeit" some wins from 2005 – 2007. Not a single loss of scholarship (which would have been overkill – I know, I know – I might get struck by a bolt of lightning as an Auburn fan for saying that but really, this didn’t lead to anyone winning games or anything like that – no boosters paid off players THIS TIME). Now mind you, Nicky Satan wasn’t at Bama yet, this was all :::points::: Mike Shula’s fault. (and whoever else was supposed to be keeping an eye on this – hello, Mr. Athletic Director Mal Moore). Is anyone surprised that he didn’t know this was going on with his athletes? But what about the other coaches? I mean good LORD. That many athletes were taking advantage of this "lack of monitoring" – what, did they have it posted on message boards and in the locker rooms? "Here’s how you scam the system! Free textbooks for everyone! Roll Tide!" Lets face it, we all love watching Alabama having the NCAA shake their finger at them because its Ala-frickin-arrogant-as-hell-Bama. NO one does entitlement better than a Bama fan. Well, maybe a sidewalk Bama fan, but thats most of them anyway… But that is the reason why this is so flipping annoying. They do this ALL the time. Its their way. And we all hate the story line on every teen melodrama where the rich kid gets away with breaking all the rules because his Daddy is a Booster Senator. Just slap a houndstooth hat on that spoiled prick and you’ve got a Bama fan! Y’all wanna know about my favorite moment of irony from this whole thing? Reading that the former AD from the University of Miami is the head of the NCAA infractions committee. The same Universiity of Miami that had a SI cover that literally said, ‘Why the University of Miami Should Drop Football". Because they are such paragons of virtue? The lunatics are running the asylum.

A few of my favorite articles about this one today:

  • ESPN talks about it being about the whole football program but somehow manages to basically bring it back to just football… Brilliant journalism, y’all. Emmy awards will be spilling in for this coverage.
  • Ivan Maisel thinks Alabama has turned a corner… Uh yeah, if you consider that working the system and finding loopholes to cheat is a Bama tradition, sure. I love the video in this one. Hearing the word "integrity" coming out of Nicky’s mouth just makes me giggle a little.
  • Wiping out three years of Alabama Football. Hey, while you’re at it, can you also make them "wipe out" those self declared national championships? My favorite line from this article: "The good news for Tide fans? Alabama won’t have to vacate any Iron Bowl victories. The Crimson Tide weren’t good enough to beat rival Auburn during the seasons in question." Oh, SNAP. (Yeah yeah, I know, its the past – but if Bama fans still quote the Bear I can still reminisce about beating the Tide again, and again, and again, and again…)
  • Opponents who lost games vacated by Alabama won’t be allowed to change their records to reflect a victory. So Bama can’t declare victory, yet the loser can’t change their record either? Its like the Athletic programs had "performance issues" for a few years…
  • Haters to the left!! :::twiddles fingers in glee::: "The question has become when aren’t there major violations in Tuscaloosa? The latest penalties mean that ‘Bama has been eligible to be an NCAA repeat offender since 1995. Alabama has been committing major violations while serving time for major violations." :::applause:::
  • This guy makes me laugh. His entire take on the NCAA making them "give up" victories is spot on. Part of me wants to disagree with his assessment but part of me thinks he’s right. Damnit.
  • No one can figure out how to handle this whole forfeit situation. And if FSU gets penalized, apparently the 2007 FSU vs. Bama game never actually happened. It was just your imagination, folks! Please ignore the man behind the curtain!!!
  • The AJC’s take on the Bama situation – Its like a really tasty bagel, "Tough on the surface, soft underneath"
  • I loved the graphic on this one. Made me laugh a bit.

Auburn Stuff that I just felt like sharing (spreading the love, one Tiger stripe at a time):

I bid you all good night and leave you with this image to ponder:

Around the bowl and down the hole, Roll Tide, roll…

***no Bama fans were harmed while writing this article. The self entitlement issues do not apply to any of my friends who ACTUALLY went to school there. There aren’t that many of them. I don’t think they let them out of the state very often?

“Like, ohmigod!”

08 Wednesday Apr 2009

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This morning, my favorite morning radio show, The Bert Show on Q100, came on my clock radio.  It was 31 degrees outside and I’d REFUSED to turn the heat on out of stubbornness and spite – I do NOT turn on the heat in APRIL – so my room was freezing and I was nice and snuggly warm under my feather duvet in my fleece jammies (hot pink, from Gator Momma – Little Sassy would approve – my inner fashionista cringes whenever I wear them but I will admit they are warm and comfy).  I didn’t want to get out of bed…and then Bert played this song and it made me laugh so much, I couldn’t hit snooze again.  Now THAT is impressive:

So I decided to also link you to one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever read:

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
***there is a STACHE picture on page 1!  OMG!***
Seriously, being added to my blog links list, like, NOW…

Speaking of White People…did y’all hear about the Maersk Alabama cargo ship getting attacked by pirates in the Indian Ocean?  No, thats not a typo and yes, the fact that the Maersk Alabama was retaken by its own crew isn’t a coincidence.  As the martians in Alabama already learned, much to their chagrin…rednecks don’t play.  If you prepare to board a ship which is named ANYTHING and then "Alabama" prepare to be shot…

And we cannot talk about race without touching on the Sassy Family’s life lessons in NYC, courtesy of Porn loving Muppets…  Because really…  :::singing:::  "Everyone’s a little bit racist, I knowwww…."

So go embrace your inner cracker, honkies!!!  HOLLLERRRR.  I’m off to giggle more about stuff white people like.  Its oddly cathartic and SO INCREDIBLY TRUE.  NYC Bro…you have GOT to read this.  The molekin notebook on top of the Apple laptop?  Sound familiar??  Ugly sweater parties, Miss YankeeSouth??  ROFL

Hump day musings

15 Wednesday Oct 2008

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So I had all sorts of things on my mind to discuss and well, I lie…I have nothing.  I’m a big ball of brain deadness.  I just spent almost 4 hours up to my eyeballs in crafty-crap and I’m not good with crafty stuff.  I almost had a panic attack in Michaels today. Who needs 4 aisles of scrap booking materials!?  What the bloody hell was that?  I wandered down an entire aisle of STAMPS.  Who uses stamps anymore?  But I got the supplies to make stuff for Girlyfriend’s 30th bday this weekend.  :::waves at Girlyfriend:::  I now know what Gorilla glue is NOT supposed to be used for.  Me + glue + glitter = Roger my pet Roomba working overtime this evening. 

Gorilla Glue is also hella scary.  Did y’all know it foams?  I did not know this.  Duly noted, NOW.  Thus the glitter.  It will all blend, errr, I’m sure…

So I printed, cut, trimmed, pasted, glued, glittered, blinged, and I’m only half done.  :::sigh:::  I need an elf.  Or Martha Stewart to come visit.  Wait?  What am I saying?  Nevermind! I’d FREAK out if that woman said she was coming to my house.  The only one worse would be Oprah, or maybe the Queen of England.  Can you imagine the state I’d be in?  My anal retentive inner control freak would go into OVER drive.  My neighbors would have to come over and tranq me to get me to stop vacuuming and hammering at 4 a.m.  Ok, so keep those womens away from my house, mmmkay?  

So I got all crafty while catching up on episodes of "Heroes" and watching the Presidential debates.  I think the Presidential debates might have been more interesting.  "Heroes" is just starting to get good again, but if they seriously keep Mohinder on the path to becoming a lizard monster I am going to have MAJOR issues with this show.  He was the hottest guy on there, hands down.  Do not take away my weekly Mohinder moments!!  

Shout out to B’ham Man – it was nice to talk to you tonight.  I hope you have a safe trip.  Hugs to Mrs. B’ham Man!  Y’all, B’ham man has confirmed, NO Aliens in Alabama.  And if there had been, he would have had the world’s ULTIMATE skeet shooting contest.  I know he’d have been oh his roof with his cell phone blue tooth headset on talkin’ smack with other friends of ours from college about who’d shot down more flying saucers.  Now THAT is a competition I’d enjoy.  But honestly, lets not give B’ham Man any more excuses to buy more guns.  LOL  That is the one thing he got excited about when we joked about aliens hovering over Alabama.  "I’d have an excuse to buy more guns!!"  God I love you, dude.  If there is an intergalactic take over I’m heading to Birmingham.  I’ll tell my redneck side of the family to rendezvous with us there.  We’d have a compound established within 72 hours.  It would be radical.  :::Now THERE is a word I haven’t used in a while.  I love the word awesome.  But RADICAL is highly under used nowadays.  We went all "anti valley girl" for a while.  I think I will bring it back…  That was RAD.::::

No, it still doesn’t work.  Growing up in Florida I used to have a black t-shirt with a neon print of Donald Duck on it that said, "RaDUCKall".  Yeah, super lame.  Florida 80′s fashion = HORRIFYING pictures of elementary and middle school.    And before NYC Bro starts to chuckle thinking he’s too young to escape, let me remind you of the RAT TAIL hair cut you had my friend.  :::hee hee, he’s gonna kill me y’all:::

Ok, I’m tired and my fingers are sort of glued together I think?  In some places?  Does this Gorilla Glue stuff cause skin problems?  Will it come off with nail polish remover?  Inquiring minds would like to know.

Seriously.

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